What's the best car for Alissa Walker?

"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit) 02/22/2016 at 14:08 • Filed to: None

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Now before we even get to any point let’s establish some ground rules so we don’t just end up with a bunch of trolling as a response. We’re not trying to subtly or subversively call her an idiot, or chase her off from the staff of Gawker Media, or any other type of comment or activity that can be intepreted as trolling.With that said, we also have to understand what she would be looking for in a car based on her actual car needs:

She does not require a car for commuting or public transportation, so there need not be any consideration for internal volume or capacity

She does value a vehicle with as low a carbon footprint as possible, so cars with internal combustion engines of any sort, even hybrids, are probably out of the question entirely.

Since she would use this car so infrequently it would probably need to be cheap to own and maintain and perhaps even store (such as on a crowded street) so a small physical footprint will probably be valued as well.

It would probably also be a good idea to consider the congested and traffic-unfriendly situtation in Los Angeles.

So with that in mind, what would OppositeLock say to someone who doesn’t like cars in terms of advice for buying a car? I think I can come up with some suggestions to get things started:

A Tesla Roadster

A fun and sporty car with a small carbon footprint.

A BMW i3

Not exactly sporty, but very compact and again with zero carbon footprint.

A Zero Motorcycles ZeroS

The ultimate zero carbon footprint roadable fun machine!

Steve in Manhattan > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:11

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Nissan Leaf?

For Sweden > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:12

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A Hellcat.

No one’s hating cars after they experience a Hellcat.

FSI - alcohol enthusiast with a car problem > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:13

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not for canada - australian in disguise > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:15

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TheHondaBro > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:15

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So clean, it even recycles itself!

Sneaky Pete > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:15

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Audi 5000

Chevy Corvair

Ford Pinto

Firestone equipped Ford Explorer.

Trollolololo

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:16

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Sneaky Pete > TheHondaBro 02/22/2016 at 14:16

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Preferably one of the ones that catches fire.

Alissa Walker > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:17

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I love this challenge! Wait, you know I have a kid right? Needs to be family-friendly!

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Alissa Walker 02/22/2016 at 14:18

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So.... A giant SUV?

Stapleface > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:18

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Cheap to store, fits in small spaces. Minimal carbon footprint. And since it's an Aston, maybe she has some inner James Bond fantasies she can live out.

Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready > Sneaky Pete 02/22/2016 at 14:20

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Not cool. Not cool at all.

For Sweden > Alissa Walker 02/22/2016 at 14:22

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The upcoming Jeep Hellcat Grand Cherokee

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:22

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Nissan Leaf for sure. I’d drive on of those if I lived in an urban environment.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:23

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Has to be a car subsidized by the government. And one that allows the driver to look down on the mere mortals that drive other cars. So ..... Prius.

DoYouEvenShift > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:23

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Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Alissa Walker 02/22/2016 at 14:24

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It’s an EV, fits kids, can drive on sidewalks, ticks all the boxes.

BigBlock440 > For Sweden 02/22/2016 at 14:24

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The Charger’s got back door, and the Challenger has a large back seat. No need to wait for an “upcoming” Jeep.

Alex from Toronto > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:24

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MCM’s electric Daihatsu

DrJohannVegas > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:26

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Twizy? (Or Twizy Cargo?)

Sweet Trav > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:28

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A small nimble 4 door family hatchback. a small 2.3l turbocharged engine, an all wheel drive system that disconnects the rear wheels under coast and light driving.

CB > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:29

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Probably a Model S, or the upcoming Model 3.

-Self-driving tech and safety features, so she doesn’t have to worry about accidentally murderizing pedestrians

-Electric

-Can fit her and her family

-Her husband will probably love the acceleration

-Back to the self-driving part, she could probably have it drive home after she gets to work so she doesn’t have to worry about it taking up space downtown

I think it makes sense.

DrJohannVegas > Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready 02/22/2016 at 14:31

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Well, let’s see:

Results faked by 60 Minutes

Danger overblown by Nader (and resolved by GM before the book made shelves)

Genuine danger, but so rare it doesn’t matter.

Overblown media campaign about the dangers combined with a genuine supplier issue which is no longer relevant. (Seriously, find me original set of Firestone AT/ATX tires.)

On the whole, these options are not as bad as our compensating friend here might believe.

Azrek > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:31

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I found it...

Tom McParland > Alissa Walker 02/22/2016 at 14:33

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Here you go...Prius V, hybrid for the low carbon thing, and great city MPGs because you are going to be stuck in traffic all damn day in LA. Also a wagon for kid stuff.

EL_ULY > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:34

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400HP 472TQ AWD for the fun

Hybrid/Electric for saving the planet

Safest vehicle on the market for her family

Way better than a subway car / Bus full of smelly, infected, sick humans :]

Walking or cycling is ok also in extremely nice neighborhoods. Can’t do that where I live, that’s for dang sure lol :]

Meatcoma > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:35

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Posting picture of Flintstones car made me roll my eyes. So just imagine it.

coelacanthist > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:36

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A used Volvo. Remember the second R is for reuse. Affordable and safe for the kid.

DrJohannVegas > Sweet Trav 02/22/2016 at 14:38

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Here’s the thing: If she buys one, then it makes it harder for me to have one. So, I have to respectfully boo your choice.

> goes back to crying into his empty grad student wallet.

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > CB 02/22/2016 at 14:39

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Haha. I don’t think that last part makes much sense especially in LA. I’ll just send my car home and then have it go pick me up, that way it’s safely parked on the freeway the entire time.

Mercedes Streeter > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 02/22/2016 at 14:39

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Nope, it needs to be shared and autonomous. lol

CB > MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s 02/22/2016 at 14:41

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Hey, she said the amount of space taken up in urban areas by automobiles and parking spaces is too high, so I’m just trying to help reconcile that fact.

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:43

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Uh because methane gas is the only byproduct as long both are vegetarian. Very cheap to maintain under illegal non minimum wage conditions. Works damn well on streets. Don’t let that rickshaw cut you of! Charles Manson proved that Los Angeles can be manuvered around the traffic so rickshaw and horse carraige is fine.

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > CB 02/22/2016 at 14:44

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Somehow I doubt that’s what she had in mind

CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) > CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist) 02/22/2016 at 14:44

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No electric cars because pollution.

Saracen > For Sweden 02/22/2016 at 14:47

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It’s a hybrid too.

Burns gas and rubber.

Nibbles > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:48

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Honestly I think the Tesla Model 3 may be right up her alley.

This comment is subject to moderation and change as the Model 3 has not yet been revealed as a tangible item

Shane MacGowan's Teeth > Sneaky Pete 02/22/2016 at 14:54

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My joke reply was “Polish cattle car”.

Because I’m a goddamn monster.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 14:55

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While I like the hybrid/electric suggestions, if it is going to be parked on the street the electric options might not be so good, unless there’s plenty of street parking and charging stations nearby.

Basically, it needs to be small, economical and may need to transport a child as well. Get a Fiat 500. Or, my preference, the Fiesta with the 1.0L Ecoboost.

Berang > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 15:01

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She needs:

A bicycle. It’s cleaner than an electric autonomous car, consumes less rubber, uses less oil, less steel, and takes up less road space, and causes less wear to the road (which being made of fossil derived material, lessens the pollution associated with building new roads).

A garden to fuel it:

Since transporting food with trucks would be wasteful and dirty. Assuming the water can be transported to where she lives without killing the ecosystem.

A solar oven:

Even if she has a hydropower plant nearby, this is going to be the least destructive way to cook. Hope it doesn’t rain on that day you’re hungry.

A bigger bike:

To pick up gardening supplies with, and take the small bike to the shop when it breaks.

zeontestpilot > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 15:05

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A Ford Focus Electric. Room for kids, electric, it’s a cheaper car, plus fwd for fuel efficiency. It’s also smaller and takes up less space than most other cars, but big enough to accommodate a small family.

I say, that’s get her into a car she'll like.

zeontestpilot > Alissa Walker 02/22/2016 at 15:09

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For some reason I liked how you are taking this post. In another comment I suggested a Ford Focus Electric.

I’ve driven the gas equivalent Focus, and although it wasn’t for me (too slow for gear changes) it was a decent car.

Berang > Berang 02/22/2016 at 15:11

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bonus round: It’s either that or whatever vehicle can teach somebody how to reason, research and write like a professional.

StndIbnz, Drives a MSRT8 > For Sweden 02/22/2016 at 16:08

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Have driven one, can confirm.

DrJohannVegas > Berang 02/22/2016 at 16:41

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Berang > DrJohannVegas 02/22/2016 at 16:43

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There’s nothing scary about education.

DrJohannVegas > Berang 02/22/2016 at 16:49

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No, but your hawt taeks are scary real.

Also, you needn’t tell me about education being scary. You sound like a front page poster.

Berang > DrJohannVegas 02/22/2016 at 16:55

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Ok?

Is there a reason you’re always seeming desperate to try and start something with posters here?

Xyl0c41n3 > Berang 02/22/2016 at 16:56

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Dude. Come on, man. This second comment was totally unnecessary.

DrJohannVegas > Berang 02/22/2016 at 17:06

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*shrug* For the sport? It’s not always and it’s not all posters. (And it’s certainly not desperation.)

Berang > DrJohannVegas 02/22/2016 at 17:15

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I dunno. It reeks of desperation. (´3)

Cheers.

DrJohannVegas > Berang 02/22/2016 at 17:21

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Cool. I look forward to your call-out post with bated breath. Don’t keep me waiting.

Berang > DrJohannVegas 02/22/2016 at 17:46

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I thought you said you weren’t desperate? I’ll give you a call out for fun times though if you want it.

tromoly > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 17:49

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Based on everything except for the LA traffic, I’d say one of these.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 17:59

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Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Alissa Walker 02/22/2016 at 18:03

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You didn’t answer my question during your office hour on Oppo. :o(

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > CB 02/22/2016 at 18:04

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I hope the Model 3 will offer a saloon car version.

-this space for rent- > Alissa Walker 02/22/2016 at 18:09

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Overpopulation is worse for this world than cars. I can’t believe you’d put our planet through such a thing.

DasWauto > Berang 02/22/2016 at 18:31

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Let this go. This back and forth will go nowhere productive.

DasWauto > DrJohannVegas 02/22/2016 at 18:32

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Hey now, don’t antagonize.

marshknute > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all 02/22/2016 at 18:55

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Well, she used to own an 88' Saab 900 Turbo and her husband used to have a 65' Mustang and a 76' BMW 2002.

So, um, now I'm confused AF.

Alissa Walker > Mercedes Streeter 02/23/2016 at 14:05

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Winner! Looks like it’s shared... as for autonomous, how hard would it be to make an RC version?

Alissa Walker > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 02/24/2016 at 01:25

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I found it just today! Sorry about that.

Amoore100 > EL_ULY 02/24/2016 at 03:10

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She won’t like it. Too big, and apparently all she cares about is not having cars take up space in urban environments. I can see what her argument is, but she hasn’t really provided a solution yet, so it’s a matter of pointless talk unless some real ideas come to fruition. (Magically dissipating cars that run on nothing, perhaps?)

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Alissa Walker 02/24/2016 at 04:32

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That picture is of a kinetic sculpture from the Kinetic Grand Championship which takes place in Arcata, California. I do much of my commuting on a bicycle — 20 miles in the saddle on the days that I ride — and I’m also a skilled artificer, and one day, I’d like to enter this race on my own. It’s more of a rally than a race, 3 days and 2 nights, and several segments including two water crossings. So the sculpture has to be self contained and be able to travel on the road, on the sand, and on the water.

If you don’t already know of this event, I recommend that you spend some time reading on the website, because I think you’d find it to be right up your alley. The official rules are hilarious .

My entry, when I every make one, will be a pioneer wagon with retractable oxen.